It's been a while since I said I'd get the blog up and running again.
I said it'd be bigger and better. While I do want that - it's not what the site needs right now.
When I started Mathematical Mischief - I did it on the premise that I wanted to help people with maths. Big problems, popular problems - the real world, and niche ideas. I didn't start it at a confident point, though - I started this blog when I was frustrated - when I had a need to vent about maths.
I didn't realise that as time progressed, I was using blogging as an outlet - somewhere where I could talk to people about the things I enjoyed about maths. It was helping me - helping me be a little more confident when taking my undergrad, a little wiser in the choices I made in my personal life. Looking back on the maths that I did - some of those times were the happiest I'd had with maths. It filled a gap - of a nervous 19 year old who wasn't sure uni was a place that I deserved - that on my worst days, thought about giving it up and throwing it away.
As the years progressed, though - work began to fill that nervous gap. Work became that place where I vented, where I pushed myself to do better and to help more. I got through my undergrad, started my gap year - felt fantastic.
As I got through my gap year, work fell away somewhat - I thought the best way to fill the gap was to try relaunch this site. And I gave it a couple of attempts (even got business cards printed) - but after a while, it just sat there, inert and unmoving. I gave up on the blog, to be frank - heck, I pursued my dating life with more vigour than blog designing (let's not talk about that).
I started my postgrad studies last week - and it was at that point I realised that I was struggling a lot. Not with the content, or discussions - that I'm OK with.
I realised that I didn't feel like I was in the right place. That I really wanted to be a teacher - but that I didn't think I deserved the opportunity to go back to uni, to pursue my dreams.
It got so bad, I pretty much locked down - tried to study, but couldn't/wouldn't do it.
So I'm kickstarting the blog back into action. Nothing massive - I'll hopefully post some resources here and there. But I need to talk about maths - to talk about teaching, what I want to do - to play around and help people, like the good old days. If I don't do that, I really don't know how I'll get through my degree - locking down is not the answer.
I'm speaking up. Starting again. And who knows, maybe when I've finished the teaching degree, I'll decide that tearing the blog down and building resources online will be the best thing. But for now, I need to talk, to put myself out there, and do the best I can.
I'll be back tomorrow, 🙂